she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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