She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
