This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
