what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
