Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
