I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
