those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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