glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You're like the curious george of whores
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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