im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize