I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
