Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
