I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
