Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
