Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
