I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
