I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
