She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
