What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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