Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
