Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
