About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
