What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
