Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
