If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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