I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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