I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
