I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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