I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
