I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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