Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
