You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
