What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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