you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
