There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she peed on how many people?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
