I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I love you. Go after that dick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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