Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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