Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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