With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
