these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
