Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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