just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize