I CAN MOONWALK!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize