SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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