I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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