you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
