'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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