When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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