My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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