Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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