Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
