after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
