Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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