You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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