in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
