So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
