the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
