he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So much rum. So many feels.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
