I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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