apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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