my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There r osticjed everywhere
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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