look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
