2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
