toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
