dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
