i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
