Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
