we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
