I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
