There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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