oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
