i just sent this text using only my big toe
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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