i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
