I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have so many feelings about this burrito
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
